Dissing my shit it’s an intellectual poem she said not like your shit I replied what, my shit makes you think no your shit is like a long taffy on the page that you chew on till you get to the bottom then it’s all gone well whose is better? the intellectual one she said because I’m still chewing after the last word good I said I hope you choke on it too
I like this one, especially- a long taffy on the page that you chew on till you get to the bottom then it’s all gone
What Jay said. One minor suggestion, use italic font (or quotation marks but I think italic is more fluid) when there is dialogue. I helps a reader (like me) to know when the N is jumping between regular written verse and conversational verse. In this case it was easy to tell so it didn't disrupt rhythm of the poem bur in other cases it requires re-reads to know how/when it's being used.
